Skulduggery Pleasant Shorts
by RedIvySparrow
Summary: A bunch of shorts on the Skulduggery Pleasant series. Hope you like ;) Also, feedback would be appreciated :)
1. Stephanie

**Stephanie**

Everyone just loves Valkyrie Cain.

Stephanie watched her, sitting in a group with Skulduggery, Fletcher, Scarcen Rue and the monster hunters. They were all smiling, and laughing and celebrating the fact that, although she had killed all those people, Valkyrie was back, and she was perfect and everyone just loves her.

She looked at Fletcher. Although he was dating her, he didn't trust Stephanie. Not completely anyway. But, when he was around Valkyrie, he changed. He acted more open, less awkward, more cocky, he could be funny and stupid and no one cared. He trusted Valkyrie, and not her, and that hurt.

Why did he trust Valkyrie anyway? Why, after what she did to him? He had dated her for two years, and for one of them, she had been seeing a vampire. And yet, she knew, the moment Valkyrie asked, he would dump the copy and go to the real thing.

Because, that's what she was in his mind. A bad immitation of the real Valkyrie Cain. Of course, Fletcher liked her, but it was for the wrong reasons.

Stephanie was glad though, she supposed. She didn't want to end up like Valkyrie. Valkyrie had all that guilt and a lifetime of punishment coming for her. Stephanie, however? She could live a normal life with her family and her friends and go to her college. And Valkyrie could save the world and still not make up for what she did to it.

But, still they all loved her. They forgot about all the bad things she'd done and made things go back to normal, because, hey, she was Valkyrie and nothing but the best for Valkyrie Cain.

Valkyrie Cain was a saviour and a hero, and yeah, she killed a few hundred people along the way, but lets just forget about that because everyone loves her. Stephanie scowled.

Fletcher looked over at her and she smiled. He beckoned to her. She got up and walked to the table. The conversation immediately quietened when she sat down.

This was going to be _very_ interesting.


	2. Day Off

Day Off

 **Day Off**

Valkyrie had a day off. One day off, aside from Christmas, and she was at Skulduggery's working on a case. Or, rather, he was working on a case and she was on the couch, complaining about how bored she was.

"Have I mentioned how bored I am?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Well, in case you forgot, I'm bored."

"You could help me research."

"Nah," she said, "too boring."

Skulduggery chuckled, then continued doing boring things.

"How are you not bored?" Valkyrie asked.

"Oh, I'm bored. I just don't complain about it. I'm above that."

She sat up. "Sorry?"

"Yes?"

"Are you saying you're above me?"

He hesitated.

"You're kidding me, right? Seriously though. You are not above me."

"I seem to have struck a nerve..." Skulduggery murmered.

"No you haven't." she said, annoyed "You have not struck a nerve. And you're not above me."

She lay back down again.

"Whatever you say.."

"Shut up." she closed her eyes. She could feel him watching her. "Don't you have boring stuff to be doing right now?"

"But this is fun."

"What's fun?"

"Making you grumpy."

She scowled. "I'm not grumpy. And even if I was, you wouldn't be the one making me grumpy, because you're not above me."

"Are you still going on about that?"

"No."

"Yes you are."

"Don't correct me."

"Sorry." He was smiling. She knew it.

"Stop it!"

"Stop what?"

"Smiling!"

"Valkyrie, I'm a skeleton. I can't help it."

She turned over so she was facing away from him.

A few minutes went by. "Are you sulking?" Skulduggery asked.

Valkyrie didn't answer.

"Valkyrie?" He sighed. "This is very immature."

She turned around again. "So now you're calling me immature?"

Skulduggery just looked at her and she couldn't help but grinning.

He looked back down at his work and she settled.

"I hate you." she said.

"I know."


	3. Zombies

A zombie apocalypse.

Valkyrie couldn't believe it when Skulduggery told her. She had jumped around and laughed and then stopped, and asked, "Will it be like in that movie we watched?"

And he had said, "What movie?"

And then she had said, " _Zombieland._ "

And then Skulduggery had replied, "Oh that movie. That was terrible. God no."

And she had asked, "What will it be like then?"

And Skulduggery had hesitated, and now she knew why.

The stupid fat man waddled towards her with a stupid look on his stupid fat face. She hit him.

"You said this would be fun!" she shouted over the sound of stupid zombies groaning.

Skulduggery shot a cashier in the face and looked over at her. "I said no such thing."

"Yeah, but you implied that it would be fun." she said.

"No I didn't."

Another zombie came from her. "At least you have a gun. I have to punch them." she muttered.

"Sorry?" He could hear her perfectly well.

"Nothing." she grumbled.

"I did offer you a tranq gun."

"Yeah, but then you changed your mind when I said yes because I lost the other one."

"Oh, that's right. But you did lose the other one, and I always need at least one tranq gun."

She spun and kicked an ugly zombie. "Why exactly do you need a tranq gun? You have your actual gun."

"But what if I want to shoot people but not kill them?"

"What exactly are you saying?" Valkyrie said slowly, "Because if you mean me, then Xena may just have a few new bones to play with."

"Xena loves me!"

"When you met her she tried to eat you."

"In a loving way!" he insisted.

"Sure..." Valkyrie hit another Zombie and he went reeling. His head hit the wall with a sickening thud. A cashier came at her and she took her stick from her back, but didn't activate it. Instead she repeatedly whacked it into the woman's skull until she fell over.

After a while, the fighting ended and it was quiet. Very quiet. She stepped over the bodies and stopped next to Skulduggery. "Is that it?"

He titled his head to her.

"I mean, is it all done? Is it over?"

"I think so."

"Okay."

"Okay."

She looked around. "Can I go get my chocolate bar now?"

If Skulduggery had eyebrows, she knew they'd be raised.

She laughed. "Shut up!"


	4. Stephanie Part 2

**Hello,**

 **Thank you for all of the lovely reviews.**

 **I wasn't going to do a second part to this chapter, but it was requested and I thought it was a good idea.**

 **Apologies for the late upload, been really busy with drama stuff this week so didn't really have time to write.**

 **Anyway, this is from Valkyrie's point of view this time, hope you enjoy.**

 **\- Cait (RedIvySparrow)**

Valkyrie sat with her friends and laughed and chatted, and out of the corner of her eye she watched her reflection - which was now calling itself Stephanie - sitting alone.

In a way she felt sorry for it. Of course, she hated it, it had murdered Carol, but for Valkyrie to hate it for murdering someone was the height of hypocrisy. After all, she had only stopped killing people the day before, when Skulduggery had made Darquesse an untethered entity, but she essentially had had no conscience. The reflection was itself, and thus had murdered Carol of her own doing. However, Valkyrie reasoned, it had done it out of love for it's family, and although that didn't make her actions right, it made them slightly more... Valkyrie understood. God, she sounded like some kind of therapist.

Valkyrie didn't know why people were being so nice to _her_ though. She had killed hundreds of people, and yet, Skulduggery and Fletcher and Saracen and everyone else were just acting like it had never happened.

She glanced over at the reflection again. It was looking at Fletcher, sort of wistfully... Weird. She looked at Fletcher. He was acting so normal. They all were. They were joking and laughing and smiling and chatting with an absolute _psychopath_. That's what she was. A complete and utter psycho.

 _Damn right._

She flinched and Skulduggery put a hand on her arm. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly. The others hadn't seemed to notice.

"Yeah, thanks, I'm fine." He tilted his head to her slightly and after a moment looked back to the group.

Saracen made a remark and they all laughed. Valkyrie joined in. She didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve to join in. She deserved to be locked in a cell, or worse, but no one was doing anything. Instead, they were _chatting_ with her.

Fletcher looked over Vex's shoulder and smiled, beckoned to the reflection. It got up and made it's way to wards them. When she sat down, the conversation faded.

This was going to be _very_ interesting.

 **And there you have it!**

 **I really hope you liked, be sure to favourite or drop in a review if you did. I might upload a part 3 of what happens after, but not sure.**

 **Will write more soon, and until then, bye! :)**


	5. Stephanie Part 3 (Final Part)

**Hi guys,**

 **Thanks for the support. It's nice to have fellow Skulduggery fans for once, I really don't have anyone to ramble to about it in real life!**

 **I hope you like this - here is part 3 of 'Stephanie' as requested. It's partly from Stephanie's point of view and partly from Valkyrie's...**

 **Love, Cait (RedIvySparrow)**

Stephanie sat down and the conversation faded down to silence. A few seconds, everyone looking down at the table, then Vex stood up.

"I have to go." He said quickly.

Saracen took in a sharp breath, like he was going to say something, but then looked back at the table.

A series of mumbles. Another silence, and then Stephanie spoke.

"Well, this is nice, isn't it?" She said brightly.

Stephanie was expecting a retort or at least a glare from Valkyrie. She didn't get one. In fact, Valkyrie wasn't even looking at her at all. She was still looking at the table, her shoulders were tense and hesr face was furrowed into a frown. Obviously she had just murdered hundreds of people, although now that she was looking closer, Stephanie thought she saw Valkyrie's eyes glistening. But then, Valkyrie Cain was too good to cry. Too much of a hero. To everyone else, anyway.

Fletcher was the only one who laughed at her comment. Always trying to keep the peace. He put his hand on hers, and she saw Valkyrie glance at it quickly then look away. Stephanie smiled to herself.

Skulduggery's phone vibrated and he checked the screen, then leaned into Valkyrie and said something to her. She nodded and they stood. Valkyrie smiled, almost timidly, and said, "I'll, well, see you guys later." She turned and they walked away.

Skulduggery's phone vibrated on the table next to her and he picked it up. He leaned in and spoke quietly. "China wants to see us."

Valkyrie nodded and stood up. She smiled and said, "I'll, well, see you guys later."

Valkyrie turned on her heel and quickly started walking away.

Skulduggery hurried to keep up. They walked in silence. Valkyrie came to a fork in the corridor and went to take a left, towards the room of prisms, but Skulduggery grabbed her arm and pulled her right, towards the exit.

"Where are we going? China's room is that way."

"We're not going to see China," he said quietly.

She frowned. "Where are we going then?"

Skulduggery didn't reply, he just kept walking until they got to the Bentley. Valkyrie got in and he followed, slowly, like he didn't want to do whatever it was he was going to do.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Valkyrie said, slightly annoyed.

"Only if you do first."

"What do you mean?" She said.

He tilted his head at her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I told you, I'm fine."

"No you're not."

"Yes I -"

"- No you're not Valkyrie. Now tell me what's wrong, because you are my partner and my best friend and you are clearly upset about something. You've hardly spoken all day. So tell me. Is it Darquesse? Valkyrie, it isn't your fault. It wasn't you. That was Darquesse, and she's gone now."

"Skulduggery-"

"- Yes, Valkyrie?" He was staring straight into her eyes and she just couldn't lie anymore. Valkyrie found that her eyes were watering. She was going to cry.

"But Darquesse isn't gone, is she? And even if she is, the voice didn't go with her, and it doesn't exactly hesitate to remind me how much of a terrible person I am. And it's not just that. You and Fletcher and Saracen and Dexter all act like nothing happened. I deserve to be punished for what I did, but I get a 'Hey Val! Great to have you back!' I let Darquesse take over, so yes it is my fault Skulduggery. What Darquesse did was all my fault."

Valkyrie got out of the car and started walking then stopped. She heard Skulduggery get out after a few seconds and he came and stood in front of her.

"Valkyrie, it isn't your fault. Darquesse is evil, and you are a good person. You've saved the world-"

"-and nearly killed it..." She muttered. Skulduggery ignored her.

"Valkyrie Cain, I know you. You would never hurt anyone, and yes, I truly believe that. We aren't punishing you, because I wasn't you. It was Darquesse. Okay?"

She was crying now, and she couldn't do anything about it. She looked at the ground and didn't say anything and cried. Skulduggery stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her and she cried into his suit and hugged him back.

They stood like that for a few minutes and then she stepped back. Valkyrie dried her eyes. He tilted his head again. "Are you alright?" He said softly.

"Yeah." She smiled, then paused. "Thanks Skulduggery."

"What for?"

"For being here."

"Was that a compliment, Valkyrie?"

"Oh, shut up."


	6. Stupid

**Hey,**

 **I know I only updated yesterday but I wrote this and wanted to put it up now so I did.**

 **I hope you enjoy, basically it's Valkyrie getting angry at Skuldyggery, you know how it is...**

 **Love, Cait (RedIvySparrow)**

Valkyrie wanted to hit someone. Or something. She just really badly needed to hit something.

But she couldn't. Because she was stuck she was stuck in a stupid room with her stupid partner. All because of one stupid scratch on one stupid Bentley and that had led to a stupid argument which led to being locked in this stupid room by a very, very stupid Ghastly Bespoke in order to sort out their stupid differences.

She decided that Ghastly was going to be the thing she would hit when she got out of this room, because he was the cause of this stupid situation.

"Skulduggery, it was a tiny scratch!" Valkyrie said for the millionth time.

He looked at her and didn't say anything.

"Oh, come on. One scratch and you're not talking to me? One scratch? After all we've been through?" She sighed and crossed her arms.

"Valkyrie, I don't think you realise how much that car is worth to me."

Her head had been down up until then. It snapped up.

"Excuse me?"

"I said-"

"-Oh, I know what you said Skulduggery. And you had BETTER take it back right now."

He shut up.

"Do you even REALISE what you just said to me? I bet you don't. You just said that you love that car more than me."

"I did not."

"Oh, yes you did. If I got a scratch on me, you wouldn't care. But you get a scratch on your beloved Bentley, and the world is ending isn't it? See? Did I not just prove my point?"

"Technically you got the scratch on it, since you were driving."

She stared at him. She didn't want to hit Ghastly anymore. She just wanted to hit him.

Valkyrie glared. "Are you kidding me? Are you being serious? You better bloody well be messing with me Skulduggery Pleasant or I swear to God I will kill you."

"I was just saying-"

"No, Skulduggery. You do not GET to 'just say'. You are a hypocrite, you know that. An absolute bloody hypocrite. You tell me it's my fault because I was driving, but you were the one who picked up the phone and told me you were in danger. So I got the car, I drove it to where you were, and CARRIED you into it because, oh yeah, YOUR LEG WAS HANGING OFF, and then I drive out of there with three motorbikes chasing after me, going at over one hundred miles per hour and you don't talk to me because I got ONE SCRATCH on your freakin' car. I cannot believe you. I save your life, and I get THIS? I want to hit you so badly right now."

He bowed his head. "I'm sorry." He said quietly.

She looked up. "What for?" she tested.

"For this."

And then he started laughing.


	7. Dinner With Beryl

**Hey,**

 **Thanks for all of the support, it's really great to get so many lovely comments.**

 **Val is about 26 in this. Just some random Skulduggery banter, the usual… Enjoy!**

 **Love, Cait (RedIvySparrow)**

Valkyrie stood outside her Aunt's house, and slumped. She couldn't do it. She turned around and started walking back where she came from.

Her phone rang.

The smooth voice came down the line, "What are you doing?"

She scowled. "Skulduggery, you can't make me do this."

Silence.

"But Beryl will answer!"

More silence.

"She doesn't like me!"

Even more silence.

"I don't like her!"

A pause. "I'm going to say one thing."

She sighed. "What?" Valkyrie said irritably.

His tone was smug "Chicken."

Valkyrie frowned, "Chicken?"

"Yes, chicken."

"And this is supposed to change my mind, how?"

"I don't know. I thought you would."

"You are so weird." She hung up and groaned. Then she turned, and walked up the path.

Valkyrie knocked on the big door and plastered a big fake smile on her face. Beryl came to the door as expected, wearing a sparkling cardigan that was so bright Valkyrie almost had to look away. Beryl was smiling, and it dropped when she saw Stephanie. She put it straight back up again.

"Hello Stephanie," she said in that screechy voice that she always used. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey, Beryl. Well, I was just passing, thought I'd come and… See you."

Beryl's face strained and pulled. She was evidently struggling to keep smiling.

"You don't have to smile, you know."

"I'm, I'm sorry?"

"Never mind." There was an awkward silence.

"So…" Valkyrie said, "I was thinking you should come for dinner some time."

Beryl stared at her in shock. Valkyrie shifted her weight once, twice.

"Well, uh, Stephanie that would be, well, lovely."

Valkyrie nodded. Beryl nodded. Valkyrie thought about hitting Skulduggery with a hammer. Beryl was probably thinking about hitting Valkyrie with a hammer.

She sighed, then put her hands together. "Well, I'd best be off."

Beryl nodded again, gazing into the distance.

"I'll, I'll get my dad to call to organise dinner."

"Okay Stephanie."

Valkyrie nodded again and turned and practically ran down the path. As soon as she had closed the gate, the door shut behind her.

She got out her phone and called Skulduggery. "Pick me up."

Valkyrie hung up and waited for him to get here. The black Bentley pulled up and she got in and hit Skulduggery's arm.

He flinched. "What was that for?"

She had to use all of her will power to stop herself from shouting. "What do you think?"

"Valkyrie, I honestly don't know what you're so upset about."

"You made me invite them to dinner."

"It will be good for you!"

"For me? You mean this is for me? You told me this would help with a case! Are you kidding me?"

"I lied. It's for you."

She folded her arms and glared at him.

He tilted his head. "Are you angry?"

She glared at him some more, then sighed. "Yes. But, I can get over it. Have we got any leads or is this whole case made up?"

"It's not made up."

"Okay."

They drove to the sanctuary in silence. When they got there, Valkyrie spoke.

"But why did you have to make me invite Beryl?"

Skulduggery looked at her with his giant eye sockets. "It's been half an hour and you're still moaning."

She wanted to kill him. She wanted to grab a big hammer and smash his skull inwards. Then give the remains to a dog. Preferably a puppy.

She told him this.

"Why a puppy?"

"Why Beryl?"

"Because you don't like her."

"Well you don't like puppies."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do."

"How?"

"You're a skeleton."

"Point taken. Are you coming?"

"In a minute," she murmured. She dialled her home phone number, and her mum picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Mum, is Dad there?" Valkyrie said.

"Sure," her mum said, then slightly muffled, "Des? It's Steph! She wants to talk to you!"

Her father came to the phone. "Steph?"

"Hey, Dad, will you do me a favour?"

"Depends what it is."

"Never talk to Beryl again."

"Too late, Steph, she already called. She said you wanted to do dinner? Why would you want to do that? We don't like her!"

Valkyrie groaned. "And you said yes?"

"Well you asked her."

"Fine. I'll be over tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. Are you with Skulduggery? Have you got a case? Is it exciting?"

She laughed. "Yeah, I'm with him. Look, I've got to go."

"Alright. Don't die."

"Ok." Valkyrie hung up.

Skulduggery was waiting outside. "Did you manage to stop your dad?"

She scowled. "No."

The smugness almost radiated from his smile.


	8. Dancing

**Hey guys,**

 **Apologies, I've been in London for a bit so haven't really been able to write... I'm still in London but found some time so I wrote this. Might not write again until next week.**

 **Anyways, I hope you enjoy!**

 **Love, Cait (RedIvySparrow) xx**

"Skulduggery, I can't dance!"

"All it takes is practice."

"We've been practicing all day. And just to remind you, the ball is in," she checked her watch, "four hours."

He sighed. "I don't see what's so difficult Valkyrie."

She wiped her forehead. "Honestly, fight training is easier than this!"

"That's probably because you chose to wear heels."

"I'll be wearing heels tonight."

"It would be easier in trainers."

"Well, we're here now."

"Yes, we are."

"I need a drink." She walked out of the room and into the kitchen. Skulduggery followed.

"I thought you didn't like events like this. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is, I will be wearing the nicest dress and the nicest shoes but that won't be noticed because of my awful dancing, and instead of people being like, 'Look at her dress,' they'll be like, 'Look at her dancing.'" she said.

"But why are you going?"

"Because you're going."

"But I'm going because you're going."

"I thought you liked dancing!"

"I like dancing. It doesn't mean I like Sanctuary Balls."

"Oh. So, both of us are going because the other person's going, even though the other person doesn't want to go?"

"It seems that way."

There was a short silence. "But do we have to go?"

"Not really. China might not be too happy, though."

"Well, does that matter?"

"I suppose not. Though she might decapitate us."

"Would that kill you?"

"Probably. Decapitation is effective against most things."

"Okay," she said. "So are we going?"

"I don't know."

"I don't think we should."

"Agreed. It doesn't seem like a very good idea."

"No. Will we be missed?"

"Probably not."

"Hopefully not." She smiled. "What are we going to do for the rest of the day?"

"I don't know."

"I don't think we should go to the sanctuary," Valkyrie said. "I have a feeling China would start talking about the ball."

"That would just be awkward." he said.

"Yeah..."

"So what will we do?"

"I don't know."

"We're very decisive."

"Yeah. Really though, what will we do?"

"We could... I don't know."

"Can I get coffee?"

"Okay."

They went to the Bentley.


	9. Dinner With Beryl Part 2

**Readers,**

 **Okay, so time for some self advertisement of writing in the form of videoness (my amazing vocab there).**

 **So this is a video I made of if Skulduggery Pleasant characters texted. Please check it out and like/comment/both. Here's the link: watch?v=Ar4VefvAd8Q**

 **Anyway onto the story, it is set the day that Valkyrie's belongings are being shipped back to Ireland from her house in Meek Ridge, hope you enjoy!**

 **Love, Cait (RedIvySparrow)**

Valkyrie was waiting for the moving van to get to her house with Skulduggery.

"It's already two hours late," she groaned.

Skulduggery checked his pocket watch. "An hour and a half, actually." She glared at him and he shut up.

"We were supposed to be at my folks' in, like, 20 minutes!"

"We?"

"Well, you're coming, aren't you?"

"I can't eat."

"Oh, but you can talk," she muttered.

"I'm not the one who organised this dinner with Beryl."

"Technically, you are, because you made me do it because you said it was for a case!"

"But you went to her house."

"Shut up." she scowled at the floor. "Anyway, I didn't expect them to be two hours late."

Skulduggery opened his mouth and she looked at him. "Don't you dare."

"I-"

"-No."

"Va-"

"-No." She sounded like she was talking to Xena.

Valkyrie had given Xena to Alice when she got back - she was too busy with cases and seeing Skulduggery to look after her properly anyway.

"An hour and a half." Skulduggery said quickly and she hit him.

He yelped. "What was that for?"

"What do you think, Sherlock?"

"I honestly don't know why you say that. I am a much better detective than Sherlock Holmes."

"Oh, are you now?"

"Yes."

She laughed and he tilted his head, as if he was raising an eyebrow.

"Anyway, you got me into this mess, so you can come too."

"But Beryl doesn't know about magic," he said. "And your parents don't exactly love me either."

"Beryl doesn't have to know about magic. You are a friend and my parents will just have to deal with it. I want you to suffer through this, because, oh yeah, this is _all your fault_."

He sagged. "Fine. I'll come."

The van came a little over twenty minutes later, and when it did, they took the stuff to the living room in Gordon's mansion and left it in the boxes.

It was raining when they left the house, so Valkyrie grabbed a raincoat. They got into the Bentley and drove into Haggard. Valkyrie's mother stiffened when she opened the door, but then let them in. Skulduggery activated his façade in the hall.

They walked into the living room. The fire was roasting and Beryl and her dad were sitting on the couch. Carol's reflection and Crystal were on the other one. No sign of Fergus.

Her dad hugged her and shook Skulduggery's hand.

Beryl stood. "Hello, Stephanie. Who is _this_?"

Valkyrie fought the urge to hit her. This is my friend, Skulduggery." Skulduggery nodded in greeting. Beryl frowned.

"Do I know you from somewhere?" Her voice was so shrill.

"I don't think so," Skulduggery replied. "I probably would have remembered." Beryl blushed, mistaking his remark for a compliment, and Valkyrie shot a look at her dad. He was grinning behind her aunt.

Her mum coughed. "Dinner will be a few minutes." She disappeared into the kitchen, and her dad quickly followed.

Valkyrie and Skulduggery sat.

She adjusted her top.

Skulduggery took off his hat.

Beryl tried and failed at smiling.

"Fergus couldn't come?" Valkyrie asked, breaking the awkward silence.

"Dad's sick," said Crystal. Valkyrie noticed she was sitting as far from Carol's reflection as possible. She shot Valkyrie a look and Valkyrie smiled.

Beryl nodded.

Valkyrie nodded. _God_ was this awkward.

For what felt like years of awkward, _awkward_ silence, they were called to the dinner table. Fish for dinner. Skulduggery didn't have anything. His excuse: "My stomach doesn't really agree with food."

Valkyrie stomped on his foot under the table for that one.

She ate her dinner in silence, letting her mother and father talk to Beryl. Carol's reflection and Crystal stayed quiet too. Until Crystal nudged her.

"Are you still doing magic?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"I've been practising. I can't do much, but I can move a few things with the air."

"Hey, well done!"

"Thanks."

"Is that..." she paused. "Is that, _Skulduggery_ Skulduggery?"

"Yep."

"Cool. How is he not all... Skeletony?"

"He has a façade."

"Cool." Crystal nodded. "I don't know what that is."

"It's basically a disguise that gives him fake skin."

"Ah, ok."

"How are you, apart from magic?"

"Good. Yeah, I'm grand. Carol doesn't really talk to me anymore. But, apart from that, yeah, I'm good. I've got a boyfriend."

"Oh. Nice."

"His name's Darren. We might me moving in together. I just want to get away from Haggard, y'know?"

"Definitely. Well, good luck with that."

"Thanks."

They finished dinner and Crystal told Valkyrie about her college and Valkyrie listened. Valkyrie insisted on cleaning up and Skulduggery helped her. Once done, they said their goodbyes and headed back to Gordon's mansion in the Bentley.

"God, I am so tired," Valkyrie groaned.

"You've still got to unpack your boxes," said Skulduggery.

"Damn. I forgot. Well, I'll do it tomorrow. "

"Valkyrie, are you, alright?"

She looked up. "Yeah, fine. Why?"

"You seem a bit... Distracted."

"I'm fine. I, just, it's weird sitting down to dinner like that with my folks. I missed that, I suppose. I should organise stuff like that more often."

Skulduggery stared at her and she laughed. "You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do."

"No you don't. You're just making fun of me."

"I am not."

"Yes you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Seriously though. Stuff like that matters."

"Yes, it does."

She glared at him and he chuckled. Then, "I know it does."

"Okay. Enough sentimental crap. Family talk over."

"Why?"

"Because you're going to make me _cry_ , you goon."

Skulduggery laughed.

"Never mind that last statement. You have absolutely _no_ sentimentality whatsoever you know that?" Skulduggery kept laughing. "Stop it!"

He laughed all the way to Gordon's house. She got out and glared at him.

"I hate you."

Skulduggery pulled out of the drive and Valkyrie got into bed. Thirty seconds later her phone buzzed.

She read the text.

 _Love you too._

She grinned, and put her phone on the table next to her. He was such an idiot.

 **Thanks for reading :)**


	10. Showering

**Hello again,**

 **I'm back home - forgot to tell you in the last part.**

 **Hope you enjoyed the second part of Dinner With Bery, I certainly enjoyed writing it. I kind of reminded me of Christmas with my family.**

 **Anyways, another oneshot, hope you like, please comment and give suggestions / feedback - it really is appreciated.**

 **Love, Cait (RedIvySparrow)**

"I am going to kill Skulduggery," Valkyrie said to herself. She was standing in front of the bathroom mirror in his house, looking at her reflection. Cuts. Bruises. She didn't mind that. But _her hair_. Her hair - now _that_ was a different matter.

She stormed downstairs. Skulduggery was sitting in an armchair, reading a book. He looked up when she slammed the door behind her.

"What did the door ever do to you?"

She gave him a lethal look. "My. Hair."

"Yes?"

"It is _messy_."

"Yes?"

" _You didn't tell me,_ " she said, slowly, "We were in the _sanctuary_ , we were with _China_ , and you didn't tell me."

"I thought you wouldn't care."

She stared at him.

"I didn't think you to be the girly type." That was Skulduggery's death wish.

"PLEASANT!" she roared.

He flinched. "You're not girly. That was... A joke."

She turned around and stalked back to the bathroom. He followed. When she got there, she slammed the door in his face.

His voice came from the other side of the door. "Valkyrie..."

She ignored him, went to get undressed, realised there was no towel. "Get me a towel." she said quietly.

"Valk-"

Valkyrie interrupted him, "Now!"

"Okay."

He returned after a few seconds and knocked on the door.

"I brought you a-"

She wrenched open the door and snatched the towel.

"-towel..."

She undressed and wrapped the towel around herself. Then peeked her head around the door. "Go away. I'm showering."

"Okay." Skulduggery hesitated, then walked down the corridor.

She dropped the towel and stepped into the shower. The water was hot, and felt good against her skin. For all of about fifteen seconds, she stood in heaven.

And then the water went cold.

She jerked away from the spray, slipped and fell, landed on her ass. She yelped as she fell, and then groaned.

She heard Skulduggery call and she didn't answer. She turned off the shower and wrapped the towel back around herself.

She opened the door again just as Skulduggery came to it.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

She glared. "First, you don't tell me about my hair. Then, you call me girly. Then, the shower goes cold. Oh, and then I fall over."

Skulduggery laughed. He actually laughed.

"It's hardly my fault, is it?"

"It is all your fault."

"How can I affect the power?"

She faltered, and just gave him an evil look instead of answering.

"I will kill you." she said after a moment. That just made him laugh harder.

She groaned, tightened the towel around herself, and went downstairs. She got her phone, dialled Tanith.

"Can you pick me up in 10?"

Tanith sounded cheerful. Everyone was so bloody cheerful. Valkyrie didn't know why. "Sure. Why?"

"Because, Skulduggery's an idiot, and his shower's broken."

"Ah, ok. Can you not use one of the many showers in your _mansion_?"

She paused. "No," she decided. "Besides, I need to rant about Skulduggery's stupidity to someone. It will stop me from hitting him."

Tanith laughed. What was with everyone laughing today? "Okay, I'll be round in a few."

Tanith ended up taking twenty minutes to get to Skulduggery's, by which time, Valkyrie had dressed and told Skulduggery where she was going.

"You can pick me up tomorrow. I'll be at my place." she said to Skulduggery.

"Okay."

"You're an idiot."

"Okay."

She gave him one last glare, which ended up turning into a grin, then followed Tanith out to her motorbike.


	11. Control

**Hey,**

 **Hope you like this, just a little short story.**

 **It always seems to be Skulduggery bringing Val back from being Darquesse.**

 **But what if it was the other way around?**

 **Love, Cait (RedIvySparrow) x :)**

She hit the girl and the girl spiralled backwards. She would have hit the wall if Vile hadn't been there, sending an elbow to her face as she passed, diverting her course. The girl slumped to the ground, her face ruined, legs mangled. Dead or unconcious.

Darquesse smiled. They made such a good team.

She started forwards. Vile stood in her way. She frowned.

"I thought you were helping me?" she asked. Vile didn't answer. He never answered.

He hit her, and her jaw collapsed under his fist. She staggered back, healed herself, and then powered into him. She smashed him through three walls, and stopped when she came to the fourth.

Darquesse punched Lord Vile, once, twice, three times, then kicked his knee. The armour coiled around his body, and she couldn't get any more hits in. Before she could react, his armour grew sharp, impaling her with giant spikes. The spikes raised her from the ground, before retracting, and she hit the ground. Darquesse groaned.

She healed, and got up. Vile was already walking towards her. She threw an energy beam at him, which he deflected. She increased its strength, and for a moment, it was working. But he threw it aside again like it was nothing.

Dammit.

She could hear Valkyrie talking in the back of her mind, and she tried shutting it off. It didn't work, however. In fact, it seemed to make the voice louder.

 _Darquesse!_

She almost jumped.

 _Let me out. Let me back out, Darquesse. You don't belong out._

Darquesse ignored her.

 _Ignoring me won't do any good. Skulduggery will defeat Vile, and then he'll defeat you._

Darquesse continued ignoring her.

Valkyrie made a sound that resembled a sigh. Like she was bored. Cow.

 _If you're calling me a cow, then technically you're a cow too. We're the same person you know._

Vile was hitting her. She was lying on the ground. He was messing up her face.

 _I can get him back. You don't have to die._

"What makes you think I'll die?" Darquesse asked. Vile looked at her queerly and she used the opportunity to sit up and headbutt him. He went stumbling.

 _Because he's stronger than you._

"No he's not."

 _At least I can admit when I'm beaten._

"Screw you."

Vile was tilting his head at her. She stepped up, and sent a wall of air slamming into him.

 _Useless._

"Shut up."

I'll get out sooner or later.

She continued her attack, but instead of using magic, moved into him. Tried to flip him to the floor. That failed too.

He's still Skulduggery. He taught me all of this, remember?

She was right.

 _I know. Just let me take over. I'll calm him. I can get him to be Skulduggery again._

Darquesse sighed. Her time would come another day. Maybe even today, when Valkyrie failed and she had to save her.

 _I won't fail._

Valkyrie stood. "Skulduggery!" she cried.

Vile stopped.

"Skulduggery, I know you're in there. Come back. It's me. I'm Valkyrie, not Darquesse. The girl is dead. Or unconcious. Either way she's not a threat. And I'm me, so Darquesse isn't a problem either."

He tilted his head, but then moved forwards again.

"Stop!" she yelled, "No! Skulduggery, we don't need Vile anymore. We don't need him. But, I need you! I need you to come back."

Vile was standing perfectly still, perfectly straight.

Valkyrie softened her tone, "I need you. Please, come back."

The armour melted away, and Skulduggery stood there in his navy pinstripe. Valkyrie ran forwards and hugged him.

"Thank you."

He rested his head on her's.


	12. Drunkenness

**Hello,**

 **Drunkenness.**

 **This is Christmas with my family. Not joking.**

 **Love, Cait (RedIvySparrow)**

The dead men and were sitting in the common room of Anton's hotel.

Anton himself wasn't there. He had been there, up until about 20 minutes ago when he had lost it. The reason he had lost it; they were drunk.

Not Skulduggery. But Valkyrie, Dexter, Saracen, Ravel and Ghastly were all drunk. Really, really drunk.

Valkyrie was sprawled across the coffee table.

"How does life even work?" she said dreamily.

Vex started giggling.

"You're so immature!" she half-yelled.

Skulduggery sighed.

"Look at you!" shouted Saracen. "Skulduggery is GRUMPY!"

"No I'm not."

They all burst out laughing. Valkyrie stood up, and nearly fell over again. She climbed onto the coffee table.

"I have..." she paused, "a speech!"

"Speech!" shouted Ravel.

"Skulduggery. Is. A. SKELETON!" she threw her fist up in the air like in the movies. The fell off the table.

Everyone, including her, started laughing again, and she lay on the ground.

"That light is so... Pretty." she whispered.

Skulduggery had his head in his hands by this point.

"Skulduggery!" she called.

He looked up. "Yes, Valkyrie?"

"You're... dead."

"I think we should get you home now." he said, going to stand.

She jumped up. "No! I'm not going!"

"Yes you are."

"Make me."

He sighed. I'm not going to get any help on this, am I?"

"NOPE!" Ghastly shouted.

Skulduggery walked forward, and took her arm. "Come on."

"No." She tried to pull away, but he had a strong grip. Eventually, she gave in and let him half-drag her to the Bentley.

"Bye guys!" she yelled. She heard a series of noises drift through the door once Skulduggery closed it.

"I'm going to take you to Gordon's. Will you be alright?"

"Yes." she said sharply.

They drove, and Valkyrie turned on the radio.

She didn't know when she passed out, but one minute she was quietly singing along to Asleep by The Smiths, and the next, she woke, and was on a sofa in Skulduggery's house, with a blanket wrapped around her.

She groaned, sat up. Occasional streams of light were poking through the curtains, so it must have been morning. Her head hurt.

"Good morning." Skulduggery said brightly. She jumped. He was sitting in an armchair across from her.

"Jesus! Don't do that!"

"Okay."

"What time is it?"

"Almost ten."

"Why does my head hurt?"

"You have a... hangover."

"Right." She lay back down. "What did I do last night?"

"You don't remember?"

She looked at him.

"Well," he said, sitting up straighter, "you got drunk, along with everyone else apart from Anton and I. You started singing, and you said a few things-"

"-a few things?"

"Nothing much. And you danced. And then I was going to take you to Gordon's, but you fell asleep so I brought you here and let you sleep on the sofa. And I sat here, just incase you started vomiting and choked."

She nodded. "What exactly did I say?"

"It's not that bad. The others were drunk too, so they won't remember any of it. You only have me to worry about." She could hear the smile in his voice.

"Damn. My head hurts."

"So you've said." Skulduggery said, impassively. "You should take something for it."

"Will you get me something?" she asked. He tilted his head. She managed a faint smile. "Please? I can't move."

"Fine. I'll be back in a few minutes. Will you survive until then?" he asked skeptically.

"Hopefully."

He grunted, then left. Valkyrie stared at the ceiling.


	13. Very Mature Detectives

**To All of the Wonderful Readers,**

 **Thank you to all of you, your support is brilliant. Especially thank you to Blufox03 for being so kind all the time.**

 **Please continue to review, and PM me with ideas to add to this or for other stories too.**

 **Anyway, this is another one shot, set after the books are finished, but with no major spoilers.**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

 **Love, Cait (RedIvySparrow) x :)**

Skulduggery offered his hand out to the fat man, and smiled. "My name is Detective Inspector Me."

The man shook Skulduggery's hand. "Inspector," he said in greeting. "I am Dr Samuels. We have the autopsy reports here. Although, your supervisor said she wasn't sending someone until later."

Valkyrie nodded. "A space opened up in our schedule. I hope you don't mind."

The man frowned. "Who are you?"

"I'm Detective Inspector Her."

"Is this some kind of joke?"

"Are you implying murder is a joke, Doctor?"

"No," he was getting flustered. "I was simply-"

Skulduggery interrupted him, "I apologise for my partner. Her sense of humour is quite... Different."

"So what is your name then?"

Valkyrie looked at him. "Detective Inspector Her." she repeated.

"But I thought that was a joke?"

Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery and then back at the man. "Never mind. So, can we get the reports?"

"Are you not a little young?"

"Sorry?" she asked.

"To be an inspector?"

Valkyrie scowled. "I'm older than I look. Also, my age is none of your business." The man went the colour of a tomato.

"Doctor," Skulduggery said, "I'd hate to hurry you, however we don't have a lot of time."

"Yes. Right. Sorry."

The man went to a filing cabinet and started ruffling through various folders. Valkyrie glared at Skulduggery behind the man's back. He would pay for this later. Skulduggery tilted his head, then shrugged. He was so annoying.

The man turned, and presented them a file. "Here it is."

Valkyrie took it. "Thank you Doctor..."

"Samuels."

"Right," She knew his name perfectly well. "Yes, well, thank you Doctor Samuels, your help is _very_ much appreciated."

The doctor nodded.

Valkyrie turned, and walked out. Skulduggery spoke to Doctor Samuels for a moment, then followed.

They got to the Bentley and drove out of the estate just as an official Garda car pulled up outside the gates. Skulduggery nodded to one of the officers as they got out of the car, and Valkyrie smirked as they drove past them.

"I didn't like him." she remarked.

"Me neither," replied Skulduggery, "He though too much of himself."

Valkyrie stared at him for a minute, then burst out laughing. Skulduggery's false face frowned.

"What?"

Valkyrie tried to get her breath back. "I can't believe _you_ just said that!"

He shook his head. "He did, though. You have to admit."

"Your ego is _way_ bigger than his."

"Naturally."

"You're such a goon."

"You keep saying that."

"Ever thought why?"

"Not really. I kind of thought it might be something to boost your self confidence..."

She grinned. "How can you be so _annoying_?"

"How can you ask so many questions?"

"Because smart people ask questions."

"Hm."

"I _am_ smart!"

"I didn't say you weren't."

"Oh, you are so _annoying_."

"Oh, I _know_."

"Are you mocking me, skeleton?"

"Of course not Valkyrie. I would never dream of it."

She laughed. "I suppose that guy did have a big ego. What was with him asking about my age? It's none of his business."

"Yes, I am always right. And, as regards to what he said, well, you handled it pretty well."

"I _did_ , didn't I..."

"Certainly," there was a pause, "I mean, not as well as _I_ would have handled it, but, there you go..."

She turned to him. "Is it possible that you can stop loving yourself for just one moment?"

"Why?"

"Because maybe, just maybe, other people might find it a tad... Oh, I don't know, _annoying_."

He laughed and she smiled.

"Seriously though, it is really annoying."


	14. Obvious

**Hello,**

 **More ramblings.**

 **Enjoy.**

 **Love, Cait (RedIvySparrow) x :)**

Valkyrie decided she was never talking to Tanith again. All that Tanith ever did now was pester Valkyrie, saying she loved Skulduggery, making subtle comments when he was around, making not so subtle comments when he was around... She could go on.

"Tanith, shut up."

They were in Gordon's mansion. Valkyrie was making coffee.

"It's super obvious though! You guys flirt all the time."

"We don't!"

"Yes, Val, you do! Just the other day, that guy in the shop though you were dating! You always flirt."

"Right. That was funny though, when that guy thought we were dating. Why would he even think that?"

"You are so blind. Okay. So maybe the guy was just being stupid. What about the time when that guy started shooting at us, and Skulduggery shoved you out of the way?"

"Now that was really stupid. I suppose I would have died, because I din't have my jacket on. But, still that was pretty stupid."

"You're missing the entire point. Skulduggery literally took a bullet for you! Not many people would do that!"

"We're best friends. Of course we'd save each others' life."

"But just best friends don't risk dying on a regular basis for each other, Val."

"Tanith, I don't love Skulduggery in that way!"

"Yes you do."

"After he took that bullet, you thought he was dead. You dropped everything. You ran straight into the middle of a field hailing with bullets, and you took him to safety. And then you beat the guy who shot him to a pulp. His face was literally unrecognisable!"

"He shot my friend Tanith, what do you expect?"

"Would you have ran into that for me?"

Valkyrie hesitated.

"This is what I'm getting at. I know you love me. I know we're sisters, but Skulduggery is far more than that."

"I wasn't thinking straight."

"Exactly. One thing happens to him and you aren't thinking straight. He's the same you know. When you get hurt, nothing else matters but finding a doctor and killing whoever did it. Do you not notice, that if ever anyone hurts you in any way, the next day they're half dead?"

"Well-"

"-See!" Tanith said loudly. Her tone was exasperated. "He loves you! And you love him too!"

"Sure. Okay then."

"You do."

"I don't!"

"You do! Do you not notice how he relaxes around you. He's known Ghastly for over 300 years, and yet you seem to be the only one that he can fully relax around. And, the moment that you start speaking, he's listening. The moment a sound comes out of your mouth, the rest of the world shuts off, and it's just you. The moment you even glance his way, he's more himself, more, at home."

"Hm. Right."

"You're the same."

Valkyrie frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You always seem to just be latched onto him. The moment he's ready, you're ready. Even if you're half dead, the moment he steps into the room, you light up. You smile. Even if not on the outside, you can always tell that you're happy, as long as he's around. And everything he says you take on board, you never question his decisions."

"I always question his decisions."

"But not in a serious way. As soon as Skulduggery makes a decision, it's like it's your mission to get it done."

"Are you sure you're not over exaggerating a little?"

Tanith looked at her. "But the moment that there is a chance he will get hurt, the decision is out the window, and you are doing anything to save him. Valkyrie, if it meant you could save him, you would sell your soul to the devil. If it meant that Skulduggery could be okay, then you would wipe yourself from the face of the earth in the blink of an eye."

"Okay, fine! If I say that I love Skulduggery, even though I don't-"

"-You do!"

"-will you stop pestering me?"

"Yes. Just admit it."

"Fine. I love Skulduggery," she said, just as he entered the room.

Tanith burst out laughing and Skulduggery tilted his head. She went red.

"It's a long story," she said, and left.


	15. High Society

**Hello,**

 **Another drabble.**

 **I am currently sick, and so have just been writing all day - that's why there have been so many posts.**

 **There will be more to come.**

 **Love, Cait (RedIvySparrow) xx**

"Boo," came the velvet voice from behind Valkyrie. She spun and laughed, jumped in mock horror and then scolded her skeleton partner.

Tanith didn't understand how this wasn't flirting. The two of them were in love, but they were just too stubborn to see it. She shot Valkyrie a knowing smile and Valkyrie glared at her. She chuckled.

They had sat down now, laid back, comfortable. Skulduggery's arm was on top of the couch, around Valkyrie. Tanith shook her head in disbelief - how could they not realise?

Valkyrie was saying something, probably insulting Skulduggery because his voice was incredulous when he replied.

"I don't know what you're talking about Valkyrie!"

Valkyrie's eyebrows were raised in an impatient manner, however even from where Tanith sat, she could see her friend's dark eyes were twinkling.

It was so annoying how they couldn't see.

Valkyrie was smirking now. "Oh really?"

"Really."

"Well then. That's too bad, isn't it?"

Skulduggery laughed, then said, "Just tell me what I did wrong!"

"Never mind," she said, "Anyway, what are we going to watch?"

"How about 'High Society'?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it has Grace Kelly in it."

"What's wrong with Grace Kelly?"

"You have crush on her! You'll just sit there and start boasting about her and saying how pretty she is."

"Okay, I do not do that when I have a crush on someone," Skulduggery said.

"What do you do then?" Valkyrie asked.

They looked at each other in silence.

A moment went by, and they seemed awfully close to each other for a second, but then Valkyrie broke the quiet.

"Anyway, I could flatten her in a fight."

Skulduggery chuckled, the awkwardness retreating quickly. "You, my dear, are extremely modest."

"Oh, I know."

"However," he said.

"Choose your words carefully Pleasant..."

"However, whilst you may be strong, she is elegant. And she is graceful."

"I can totally be graceful."

"Valkyrie, judging by your dancing, I highly doubt that."

"Hey!" she hit him again. It was cute. "I can still be graceful."

"Is that a challenge?

"I bet I am more graceful than Grace Kelly," she said. "I bet I can be more graceful than Grace Kelly at the winter dance on Saturday."

"What do you bet?"

"Two weeks of Sanctuary paperwork."

"Deal." Skulduggery said, immediately.

"Well, it's on." Valkyrie had a huge grin on her face.

"High Society?"

"High Society it is."


	16. High Society Part 2

**Hello everyone,**

 **Okay, so if you haven't read Chapter 16, please go do that, then come back.**

 **This won't make any sense otherwise.**

 **Hope you enjoy part 2 of High Society...**

 **Love Cait (RedIvySparrow) xx**

The winter ball was twenty minutes away. Valkyrie was seriously regretting the bet she's made with Skulduggery. She knew he'd let her back out at any time, however she couldn't bring herself to. She would never hear the end of it

She was in one of the bedrooms that Skulduggery had installed into the house, putting on a brilliant dress and brilliant shoes and brilliant make up. Her hair was brilliant. Everything about her was, Valkyrie decided, brilliant.

She was going to show him.

She would show him that she was much better than Grace Kelly. And he knew it. God, maybe he'd stop fancying her and fancy Valkyrie for a change.

Valkyrie stiffened. Had she really just thought that? Weird.

She let it go. She took in a deep breath. _Time for the best performance of your life._

She thought of how China walked, and mimicked that. She walked with elegance down the stairs, into the living room. Skulduggery was in there.

"Hello, Miss Cain." he said.

She walked over to him and linked her arm through his. "Detective Pleasant! How dashing you look tonight."

He tilted his head, and she knew if he had lips, he'd be smirking. His velvety voice dripped with sarcasm as he spoke. "And you, my dear, look beautiful."

It took all of Valkyrie's self control not to blush. She laughed, keeping it light, and high pitched.

"Are we ready to go?" She asked.

"Of course."

Skulduggery escorted her to the Bentley, and opened the door for her. Valkyrie slid in and flashed him a winning smile. He closed the door and got in on the drivers' side. On the way to the sanctuary they mock-flirted with each other, which Valkyrie knew would get Tanith way too over excited. After about twentey minutes, they parked, got out and Valkyrie smiled again.

"Well, Skulduggery, shall we go in?"

"That, my lovely Valkyrie, depends."

"On what?"

"On weather you'll dance with me or not."

"Detective are you," she gasped in sceptical shock, "are you, flirting, with me?"

"Why of course, Valkyrie."

"Well, okay then." She took Skulduggery's arm and they walked into the ball.

The room had been decorated extravagantly, a little over the top for Valkyrie's liking. But then, that had been expected, considering China was grand mage.

There was an orchestra in the corner, playing at just the right volume. People waltzed around the place. Skulduggery took Valkyrie's hand and lead her through the dancing people to the opposite side of the room.

Here there was China Sorrows. She stood when they neared and gave them a beautiful smile.

"Valkyrie! You look gorgeous! I hope he's telling you this." China glared at Skulduggery. "You'd better be telling her this, Detective."

Valkyrie's laugh practically twinkled. A flicker of surprise passed over China's face, just for a fraction of a second. If China noticed, she was doing a good job.

They spoke to China for a little while longer, then got up to dance. It was weird, dancing with Skulduggery. If she'd been doing this with anyone else, they'd be in a tiny space, awkwardly moving, bumping into various people. But with Skulduggery, they moved easily through the crowd, and a space always seemed to open up for them no matter where they were.

Valkyrie did quite well, all things considered. She had come up with the plan that she would just focus on Skulduggery and pre-occupy herself, not actually thinking about where she put her feet.

And she was being elegant and beautiful and totally beating Grace Kelly. Two sanctuary paperwork free weeks were coming her way.

They talked, and laughed, and people would look around and whisper to the person next to them. They noticed this, and it just made them laugh harder.

By the time the dance was over, Valkyrie was exhausted. They drove back to Skulduggery's house in the Bentley. When they got back, they sat on the couch.

"So, how did I do?" she asked. She had lost the elegant air, and was now sitting comfortably, with her feet on the coffee table.

Skulduggery chuckled. "Well, actually. I'd say you've won the bet."

"Damn right. I told you!"

"I knew you would say that."

"No you didn't."

Skulduggery shrugged. "You're predictable that way."

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are."

She punched his arm.

"Graceful people don't hit their partners."

"Screw graceful people."

"I should tell China." Skulduggery muttered.

"Then you'd get me fired."

"I know."

She gave him a look. "You'd be fired with me, also, I'd hate you forever."

"I'm too brilliant to be hated forever."

"Ha!" she said.

"I'm brilliant."

"Keep thinking that." She got up, grabbed a blanket from in the corner. She lay on the couch, taking off her heels, and wrapped herself in the blanket.

Her feet were on Skulduggery's lap. "What are you doing?"

"Sleeping. I'm tired."

Skulduggery sighed, but didn't say anything more, just let his friend sleep.


	17. Halloween

**Good evening my wonderful readers,**

 **Apologies, I haven't uploaded for DAYS! DUN DUN DUN! Well, I have, but on my other story, which, by the way, is new, so please go check that out! It is called 'The World As We Don't Know It' and so far it has been getting some good reviews so I suppose that means that people like it…? So please go read and get back to me via PM or the review section because I love getting feedback.**

 **Anyway, it was Halloween yesterday, for the people who either live in their job or under a rock. So, I have wrote a little one shot for you, because, why not?**

 **Valkyrie is about 30, but she still looks about nineteen, so…**

 **Hope you like it. Please review and follow/favourite – I really appreciate it on a more serious note…**

 **Love, Cait (RedIvySparrow) xx**

Valkyrie was putting the finishing touches to her house. It was Halloween.

Skulduggery came into the room quickly and she turned from putting the cobwebs up around the mirror.

"Happy Halloween!" she said.

Skulduggery stopped in his tracks and stared at her. "What?"

"I said 'Happy Halloween!'" Valkyrie grinned. "Do you like the cobwebs?"

"You're not hurt?"

"No." She frowned at him. "Why would you think I was hurt?"

He tilted his head. "Why did you text me _like_ you were hurt?"

"I didn't!"

"Yes you did, Valkyrie."

"How?"

Skulduggery pulled out his phone and read from the screen. "Come quick to Gordon's house! Exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark. I could go on."

"It's called _being excited_. Which you clearly know nothing about. Besides, you would never have come if I told you what we were doing."

"And what is it that we're doing?"

"Trick or treating!"

"Not a chance." Skulduggery turned on his heel and started towards the door.

"Please?""

"Nope."

She followed him and matched his pace. "You don't even know what your costume is!"

"Don't need to."

"Skulduggery!" She ran in front of him and stopped walking. He stopped and tilted his head.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Fine," she said, "Be like that. But I have one thing to say to you."

"And what is that, may I ask?"

"Christmas." She grinned smugly.

"You've already used that, Valkyrie."

"You got me a stick for Christmas. I can use that card as many times as I bloody well want to."

"I got you a stick that can knock people unconscious. That's cool."

"It was still a stick."

He didn't answer and Valkyrie glared at him.

Skulduggery slumped. "Are you really going to make me do this?"

"Yup." She grinned widely.

"You look like a Cheshire cat."

"Well, I'm still making you do it."

He groaned.


	18. Get Out More

**Hello my wonderful readers,**

 **I am in bed right now. I have been writing all day and have about fifty one shots that I am having to refrain from uploading. ;)**

 **The reason I have been writing is I have taken the day off school due to a certain virus that seems to have spread to me because some egit decided to come in to school when they are sick and spread their germs ALL OVER ME! As you can tell, I am not too happy about this.**

 **Anyway, new chapter. Valkyrie really needs to get out more.** **Please review and favourite and follow as always :)**

 **Love, Cait (RedIvySparrow) xx :)**

Valkyrie was walking home from the chippy, carrying a fresh and scolding hot bag of chips in her cold hands when the boy bumped into her.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" he said. He reached out and grabbed the chip bag, steadying it before she dropped it. Had a worried look on his face.

"Thanks. Don't worry about it." She took the chip bag back.

"No, I really am sorry."

Valkyrie laughed. "It's no biggie."

"Do I know you from somewhere?"

"I think you were in my primary class."

"Oh right! You're not Stephanie are you?"

"That's me."

"Cool, I remembered! I'm James."

"Did you not fall off your seat once?"

He chuckled. "That was one time!"

Valkyrie smiled.

"Hey, what way are you walking?"

"Just down by the pier, where my old house was. I'm going to visit my folks."

"Ah, nice. I'm going that way too, I'll walk with you," he grinned. "That's if you don't mind."

"Sure."

They started walking, and Valkyrie offered the bag out to him. "Chip?"

"No thanks. Cold out, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Got anything planned for Christmas?"

"Yeah, I'm staying with my Nan. Our whole family is. Break from college, you know?"

Valkyrie laughed. "Definitely. I'm just back from America actually, got back about a month ago."

"What were you studying?"

"Oh," she said, then smiled, thinking of Danny. "Music."

"Play an instrument?"

"Guitar."

"Ah, I like it! I've always wanted to play, but I'm too lazy."

"You should try," she said. "It's pretty fun once you get the hang of it."

"And what about before you get the hand of it?"

"Hm," was all she could say, and James laughed.

"I'll need to see you play sometime."

"Oh no. Just because I'm studying it doesn't mean I'm actually good!"

"I'm sure you'd be great."

"Thanks," she replied.

"So, where about are you staying?"

She considered telling him about Gordon's, but then thought better of it. "Up at old Cemetery Road. You know the one with the two funeral parlours and the house at the top? I'm living there with a… Friend."

"Oh cool! Is it your boyfriend?"

"Sorry?" Valkyrie asked, taken aback.

"You hesitated before you said friend. That would imply that they were more than a friend."

"Right. Well, no, not exactly."

"Not exactly? Unrequited love?"

Valkyrie paused, and tilted her head. She hadn't really thought of that. "You could… Say that, I guess," she said slowly.

"Oh, that's the worst. There's this girl at my college. I asked her out and she said no."

Valkyrie nodded. They rounded the corner to her street.

"Oh, I remember this place! Do you remember when J J Pearl broke his legs at the pier, and then we had to bring him back here?"

"Yeah,"

"Fun times," James said, shaking his head.

"Right. Not really."

He laughed as they got to her house. "Well, it was great seeing you Stephanie," he said.

"Yeah, you too. Hey, I'll see you around."

"Sure. We could grab coffee sometime," he suggested. "I mean, we don't have to, but, you know, just to, like, catch up and stuff."

"Cool. Yeah, that'd be grand. Well, I'll see you soon."

"Okay."

She opened the gate and stepped in, walking up the path. She looked back and smiled, waved and James walked back down the street.

Valkyrie realised that was the first proper conversation she'd had with someone her age in over five years. She frowned and muttered; "I really need to get out more."


	19. I Need Your Help

**Hello my wonderful readers!**

 **Another chapter!**

 **Yay!**

 **Please make sure you review, favourite and follow as always!**

 **Love, Cait (RedIvySparrow) xx :)**

 **Ps - Sorry for all the exclamation marks, I'm in an exclamation mark kind of mood right now!**

* * *

 **Valkyrie:** Tanith, I really need your help!

 **Tanith:** YOU'RE PREGNANT?! I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN! :D

 **Valkyrie:** Don't be stupid

 **Tanith:** Haha :D

 **Valkyrie:** I'm serious Tanith

 **Tanith:** OK, what's wrong? X

 **Valkyrie:** So, I was walking home from school (Skul made me go) and this asshole cat called me when I passed him

 **Tanith:** What did you do? Did you hit him?

 **Valkyrie:** Yes.

 **Tanith:** Val, please don't tell me you hit a civiallian.

 **Valkyrie:** I just did! Anyway, he deserved it - he cat called me! So I went over and I punched his nose, and it kinda broke and then all of his friends got really mad so I just kinda got out of there and now I feel really bad

 **Tanith:** Okay. Have you told your folks?

 **Valkyrie:** No!

 **Tanith:** Why not?

 **Valkyrie:** I broke a random guy's nose Tanith!

 **Tanith:** Well, he had it coming! Besides, it was just his nose. It's not like you broke anything… Serious :D

 **Valkyrie:** You are useless and disgusting at the same time. Maybe Skulduggery will be more helpful.

* * *

 **Valkyrie:** I need your help.

 **Skulduggery:** What happened?

 **Valkyrie:** This guy cat called me in the street.

 **Skulduggery:** Do you want me to hit him?

 **Valkyrie:** Already done.

 **Skulduggery:** What's the problem then?

 **Valkyrie:** I broke his nose.

 **Skulduggery:** That's my girl.

 **Valkyrie:** You are just as useless as Tanith

 **Skulduggery:** How?

 **Valkyrie:** You just are!

 **Skulduggery:** I am not. I'll prove it. How can I help?

 **Valkyrie:** Make me feel better about this situation without saying he deserved it.

 **Skulduggery:** There there?

 **Valkyrie:** I hate you so much

* * *

 **Valkyrie:** I need your help.

 **Ghastly:** Is it the trousers? I knew they weren't right…

 **Valkyrie:** No, they're great thanks :)

 **Ghastly:** Good. What's wrong?

 **Valkyrie:** So this guy cat called me in the street and I went over and hit him

 **Ghastly:** And?

 **Valkyrie:** I broke his nose.

 **Ghastly:** Well done. Are you going to tell me what's wrong yet?

 **Valkyrie:** Why are none of my friends sane?

 **Ghastly:** Maybe you're the insane one and we just appear insane to you.

 **Valkyrie:** Bespoke…

 **Ghastly:** :D

* * *

Valkyrie sighed and put her head in her hands.


	20. Ballet

**Hello my wonderful readers,**

 **I'm in a really** _ **writey**_ **mood right now, so writing a bunch of one shots and trying to get through Chapter 17 of The World As We Don't Know It. This one is a little longer, not too long, considering mine are usually really short, but it's long for me. Sorry, ignore me.**

 **So this is obviously to do with ballet. Here is a little warning: **If you don't know anything about dancing you can skip this bit.**

 **I did ballet for two months when I was 5. I quit because I am not graceful. I am not a ballet dancer. I do cheer. Cheer is amazing, but it is not graceful. I also do contemporary and freestyle. Anyway, I'm going off track.**

 **Right, yes. I have very little experience with ballet. This is based on my experience with it, and everyone's experience is different. I'm going on what I can remember, but I'm mainly using contemporary counts. Just to let y'all know.**

 **Okay, ramble over with. This is a little different, because Stephanie isn't Val yet, but she is eighteen. She's in her final year of school.**

 **Alrighty, hope you enjoy and as always leave a review and favourite/follow. Feel free to PM me anytime if you have a question, an OC you want me to feature, or if you want to chat**

 **Love Cait (RedIvySparrow) xx**

Stephanie put her leg up on the bar and started her stretches. She leaned over, took hold of her foot and brought her head to her knee, then pushed forward. She could get it halfway down her half before her muscle complained, and she stopped. Any other day, she would have gone further, but she couldn't afford to. Her entire future was a week away, and she couldn't mess it all up because of a pulled muscle.

She did the same on her other leg, and sighed. She stretched a bit more, then put running trainers over her bare feet and tied her hair up in a ponytail. Not a bun. She left her house, waving goodbye to her mother and ran all the way to the studios. Stephanie took out her phone, and checked the time. Nine minutes. She was getting slower.

 _You can concentrate on running once you get into the academy,_ came the voice in the back of her mind. She didn't like that voice. It spoke to her now and then, and recently it had been more than ever. Sometimes Stephanie had the feeling that this voice wanted to get into the academy more than she did.

If she hadn't started dancing so early, Stephanie liked to think she would have been a runner, or a swimmer. Both of these things made her feel free, she could relax. She didn't have to wear costumes, or be poised and elegant, and she certainly wouldn't always have strict dance teachers on her back.

She took the key one of these dance teachers had given to her – " _You could do with some extra practice,"_ – and let herself in. It was a Saturday morning, at ten past seven. Only the instructors were here. She went up the grand stairs and entered into a large studio to the back of the building. This was her favourite room. There was obviously the large mirrors that occupied one wall, with the bar running across it, as well as the 'inspirational' – as her teachers liked to call them – quotes that plastered the other wall. She wished she could paint over them, block them from her vision, but…

 _But that's not what you're going to do. You're here to dance. You're here to build a future for yourself._

Stephanie sighed again, and then walked to the mirror. She peeled off her tracksuit bottoms, and her t shirt, revealing the black leotard beneath. She took her shoes, placed the blocks inside and tied them up. The ribbons swirled up to her knee, in an elegant pattern. She let down her ponytail, fixed her long, dark hair into a bun.

What Stephanie liked about this room was the floor to ceiling windows that looked across Haggard's bay. She saw the pier, far off to the right. She saw her house, and thought of her sister and her mum, who would be having breakfast right now. She saw the sea, saw the boats coming into the harbour, and smiled slightly.

She then went over to the speaker in the corner, plugged in her phone and selected the song. A violin started the song, dragging out a long, quiet note. She ran to the centre of the room, stood in first position. As the rest of the orchestra joined the instrument, she began to dance, the same routine she'd been dancing for weeks, months. At first, she had liked it. It was strong, beautiful, but now… She had done it so many times, she seemed to be-

 _Concentrate. Good. Okay, forward, spin, twist, up 2, 3, down, 2, 3, spin, 2, and… What are you doing?_

Stephanie stopped dancing and went to the speaker again. She stopped the music. Walking to the mirror, she took her bun down, letting her hair fall onto her shoulders. She preferred it that way. She touched the mirror, her hand light on the glass.

 _What are you doing? You need to practice for this; this is your only chance to get out of Haggard. Do you really want to stay here for the rest of your life?_

"No," Stephanie said quietly.

She went back to the speaker and scrolled back through her music. He thumb hovered over her appointed song, and then she scrolled by it.

 _What now?_

She selected 'A Dustland Fairytale' by The Killlers, and went to the centre of the room. When he started singing, Stephanie started dancing, the same routine. She felt the voice in her head smile slightly.

 _Oh, Stephanie. You are going to get in_ so _much trouble._

"We'll I'm dancing, aren't I?" she muttered.

 _I suppose. Okay, now, forward, spin-_

"Twist, up, 2, 3, down, 2, 3, spin, 2 and jump, land, back, round, in, 2 ,3, head, arm, arm, up, 2, down, 2-"

 _You've made your point._

Stephanie smiled slightly, and concentrated on the dance, getting through the entire song without making any mistakes.

 _Well done._

Suddenly there was a cough and Stephanie spun to see one of the instructors standing in the doorway. Madame Francesca. Stephanie didn't see why she had to call them 'Madame'. It just seemed silly.

There was a tall, thin man standing behind her. He wore the sharpest suit Stephanie had ever seen, and had a nice face.

"Stephanie, what are doing?" she asked.

"Dancing," Stephanie replied.

"I can see that. That was not the assigned song. And, dancing…?"

"Madame Francesca," she muttered. Stephanie didn't consider herself a violent person, but she wanted to hit something. Possibly Francesca. Francesca had become an instructor here a few months ago. She had graduated from school and come straight here, so she was young, only a few years older than Stephanie, yet she bossed Stephanie around like she was her mother. Stephanie's mother herself wasn't as bad as Francesca. "And I know it wasn't the assigned song. I was just practicing."

"If you are practicing, you should be doing everything right. Your music should be the right song, hair up in a _bun,_ not falling all over your face. It doesn't look good, Stephanie. When is your audition?"

"Next Wednesday, Madame Francesca."

"Are you sure you'll be ready? Your arms are sloppy, you don't have the correct costume, and you weren't even playing the correct song. I don't know if you can-"

"I'm ready," Stephanie said, cutting her off. "I'm just a little tired, is all." She smiled tightly.

Francesca looked at her sternly, and then she softened slightly, giving Stephanie a look that Stephanie wouldn't even give Alice in fear that she was being to condescending. She nodded. "Well, you'd better be ready for Wednesday. I may have to cut you if not. Anyway, there's someone here to talk to you. Get your hair tied up."

Francesca walked out and immediately Stephanie sagged. She placed her back against the wall and grabbed her water, taking a big gulp. She massaged her temples and the man came in. "You must be Stephanie, then."

Stephanie nodded while she pulled on her joggers, facing the mirror. She could see him in the reflection. He looked to be in his late-twenty's, with dark hair and pale skin. It looked slightly waxy, and his eyes locked onto her, but didn't quite focus. She pulled her t shirt over her head, and replaced her ballet shoes with trainers.

"Do you run?" he asked.

"Yeah," Stephanie replied. "I just find it…. Easier. Dancing can get at you."

"Indeed it can."

Stephanie retied her hair and turned to him, giving him a polite smile. "Sorry about Francesca," she said. "She must just be…" Stephanie faltered. "Stressed," she muttered. Lying, apparently, was not her forte.

The man laughed. "Not at all." He had a smooth voice, like velvet. Stephanie liked his voice, it was the kind of voice you could listen to all day and not get bored. It was the kind of voice that could make you believe anything he told you, make you trust him completely. "I personally thought it was very good," he said, smiling slightly.

"I'm sorry?"

"Your dance. It was… It was excellent, actually. You should get a better instructor, she doesn't seem to be able to see that."

Stephanie was about to answer, but paused, frowning. "Uh, who are you?"

The man raised an eyebrow and leaned against the wall with the quotes, folding his arms. "I'm here to talk about your uncle."

"What one?"

"Gordon," he said.

"Oh." Gordon had died last week, of natural causes. Stephanie didn't show it, didn't admit it, but she had been devastated by his death. He was the only person who understood her. The only one who could understand her need to run, or to swim, and not just dance all the time. He had been a good influence, yet she seemed to be the only one who thought so.

"I'm sorry for your loss," he said quietly.

"Thank you," she replied.

"I need to ask you a few questions."

"Are you a cop?"

"Of sorts," he said. "Not really. I was a friend."

"Right," Stephanie replied slowly. "What do you want to know?"

"I can't do it right now," he said. "I have a place to be, but I thought I'd drop by and introduce myself first. Gordon told me you were always here. Can you meet me tomorrow?"

Before Stephanie could even think, never mind stop herself, she said. "Yes."

"Good." He walked back to the door and Stephanie frowned.

"How will I find you?"

He turned again, and smiled, his head tilted. "My name is Skulduggery Pleasant, the car is a 1954 Bentley R-Type Continental, and you don't have to worry about that."

For some reason, Stephanie found herself smiling as he walked from the place.


End file.
